The second part of the self-belief paradox:
"Don't believe in yourself too much."
How can we live with such conflicting rules in life?
The reason we face so many challenges in life is because we have conflicting needs that need to be fulfilled at the same time. To be able to have a healthy self esteem ,we need to cultivate a certain amount of self-belief. At the same time, you should not believe in yourself too much to the point of being egoistic.
So while you need to believe in yourself, you also need to be able to take advice and suggestions from others, even when it is against what you believe in.
Doubting yourself sometimes is not a sign of weakness. It shows maturity. Only a person who truly believes in his own self worth is able to take criticism from others and look at himself critically, without hurting his own self image.
Mistakes is as much a part of life as everything else. As they say, to err is to be human. Being critical at oneself can be a great asset. We should strive to constantly improve every area of our life, and mistakes (or failures) serves the purpose of letting us know the area we should improve on.
Therefore, making mistakes should not hurt your self esteem. Our mistakes are not us. Our behavior is not us. I know this can be hard to accept, because we’re often judged by what we do. I believe that it holds true to other people, that we are our actions. But for ourself, we should not be constrained by our past actions (yet another paradox, but too lengthy to discuss in this post). What we can't do in the past does not mean we can't do in the future. Whatever mistakes we made yesterday do not mean we're going to repeat it again tomorrow. We often define ourselves as a certain type of person. Which can be a huge mistake!. Don't trap yourself with your past actions!
So you see. It's ok that you're not perfect, and its ok that someone notice and points it out to you. Don't be too confident about yourself until you're arrogant to the opinions of others.
So here comes the part where seeking the balance becomes very important in the paradox of self belief. Believe in your self worth but also know that you're not perfect. Life is about striking the balance. It's yin and yang, baby.
One thing striking about a person who are able to follow these two rules at the same time is that they are extremely confident and comfortable under their own skin. I immediately think of Simon Cowell, the American Idol judge.
Learn from him. Better yet, read his autobio titled: 'I don't mean to be rude, but...'
I think, a person truly able to grasp the meaning of the paradox of self-belief has these qualities:
1) Able to love yourself unconditionally, therefore also able to love others the same way.
2) Comfortable under your own skin, unafraid to speak your mind.
3) Able to take criticism in a positive way. Taking it as an honest opinion, rather than a personal attack.
4) Able to accept and love someone with a different opinion and beliefs.
5) Willing to admit your own mistakes and make amends if need be.
6) Willing to learn.
Let me know what you think.
Good advice there. The interesting thing about ego is that everyone needs a little of it to get by in the world. Without any, you lose your self-preservation instincts. With too much, other people's self preservation instincts will challenge you. The middle path is best.
Yes. It's the idea of balance again. As they say, there's a very thin line separating right from wrong.
It's also a thin line separating whats ego and whats self-confidence.
As you mentioned, finding that place in the middle, is the trick.